I live in the north of Sweden. It has been a hellish winter, the worst in my life! I’ve been freezing cold, as usual, but due to my pregnancy I haven’t been able to walk as fast as I usually do to stay warm. Yesterday, me and my man went for an 8 km walk and I realized that the summer isn’t far away. It was great weather, a couple of degrees warm and the sun shone (?) from a clear blue sky. It is a lot of snow, so I guess I’ll have to swim to hospital when it’s time for me to give birth in May when it all melts for real…

The best event this winter was my marriage. It was just perfect. Small, no religion involved, closest family and friends attended and a great dinner afterwards!

Migrain only once since september! And probably no more.

What to say about the Phoenix program? I think it is great. I apply the ideas every day in some way. I go back once in a while to re- discover and make sure that stuff is well integrated. Right now, I feel that I really benefit from being in the Phoenix program, together with my earlier experiences of hypnotic states and NLP, since I am preparing for child birth. Which will happen in some six weeks or so. I listen to a really nice audio every day - it is intended to mentally prepare you for the waves of pain etcetera that comes with giving birth - and being used already to installing stuff really helps in installing the tools of this audio. The first time I experienced the states that in the Phoenix program are called the Default, Connected and Purpose was some years ago and it was really powerful. Going through Phoenix, making them last, is just great. For me, theses states are something I grew up afraid of and avoided at almost any cost! It took a true master of hypnosis and NLP, in which I really trusted, to lead me into them. The best part about that is that he really groked just how much trust it took, and thanked me for trusting him enough to do it. It was a life changing experience. Now, working on sustaining them, is reaaaallly nice!

The last six weeks of my pregnancy I will work 25% in the first line of IT support at the university where I study. The rest, I’ll be trying my way of study. It is a long story, maybe I’ll tell it here some day, about why I haven’t been doing that all of the time. It has to do with my teachers telling me how wrong I am working when learning how to write computer programs. The happy ending came this winter when I was interviewed by a researcher and teacher in computer programming, who was absolutely fascinated by my ways of thinking. He told me, with absolute certainty in voice and body language, that the way I was thinking and working was absolutely amazing and that if I kept up with it, I could do anything I wanted. Work for whatever company I wanted, university degree or not. So I will follow his advice and stop trying to change my ways and instead, embrace them. Lets see where that takes me.

Ha ha, I haven’t been very active with this blogging tool
The main reason for that is that I’ve been out there, improving stuff. Mainly studying hard but also going through some of the heavy stuff in life. The death of my grandmother and some friendship being broken, but also getting married! Well, I had already tattooed the man’s name on my back, but anyway. It was a really joyful day and it didn’t hurt nearly as much as the tattoo did!

I’m getting better at all the stuff, but I skipped the part of asking people what they think of me. I have been through experiences like that before and it provided me with nothing more than self- analysing my personality to pieces. The skill of finding out for real what others think of me is something I’ve been trained very well to do since I was a child and so I’m not spending one more fucking minute on it.

Today is going to bring more of my studies - discipline in that area, hell yeah!

I joined Phoenix some weeks ago and feel happy about my experience of it so far! I had a positive surprise when I discovered all the different groups that one can join in this community, especially the one about active parenting since I am pregnant with my first child! Beside my studies in the field of computer science, that is what occupies my thoughts and dreams the most right now. The Swedish, most popular sites about parenting turned out to be great disappointments since they focus a lot on the gender of the parent, often placing the Mother (or rather some kind of dream about Her) in the center of…. well, everything. Really boring place to be I intend to take a closer look at the discussions in the groups in the following weeks, I am excited to see what I can make of all of this!

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